Patio Pondering: When Standing Out Breaks the Picture
This morning, I hit the patio well before sunrise. Between an early alarm and the slower crawl of dawn, I beat the sun out of bed. It was a bachelor weekend with my youngest son. We got some things done around the farm, and on Saturday, I took in a marching band competition where my son’s band took top honors.
Over the past three years of being a marching band parent, there has been one thing I have struggled with—something I have noticed again and again, talked over with my wife more than once, but never put into words until now.
As I sat there in the stands this weekend, watching another round of performances, that same thing caught my eye once more: a male member of the color guard dressed differently than the rest, not as part of the theme, but in a way that visually stood apart. I do not know the reason behind the costume choice, but I do know this—it distracted me. It pulled my attention away from the flow of the performance. I found myself thinking again about how much the judging criteria in marching band emphasize uniformity of style and ensemble cohesiveness.
This is not about gender. Just like no one bats an eye at a male nurse or a female firefighter anymore, a boy in the guard is not the issue. The issue is when anyone, regardless of who they are, stands out visually in a way that breaks the unity of the team.
To be fair, there are times when dressing one guard member differently enhances the show. A villain in red and black. A soloist in blue representing water. Those are purposeful design choices that add to the story. But when it is simply a visual inconsistency without clear context, it can undercut what the band is working so hard to present.
That got me thinking about other areas of life, particularly business.
I could not help but think about times when a team’s effectiveness was hurt by individuality—when someone insisted on standing out at the very moment cohesiveness was needed.
We have all been there, when someone says something and you mentally shake your head, thinking, “Oh no… why did they say that?” One sentence, one decision, one off-note that pulls the whole team off balance.
Business is not always the place for standing out. Sometimes, what is needed most is message discipline. One off-script comment can tank a deal or blow up weeks of planning.
It happens in family life, too. We build routines, traditions, and expectations—not to stifle individuality, but to create rhythm and stability. And when one person constantly pulls in a different direction, the load gets heavier for everyone else.
Sure, there is a time for standing out. But there is also a time to blend in—for the sake of the group, the goal, or the message.
Marching band gets this right. They teach our kids that excellence does not always come from the soloist in the spotlight. Sometimes, it is found in the line that moves perfectly in sync, the color guard that spins as one, the unified design that tells a story without distraction.
And this morning, as the sun rose slowly behind the treetops, that lesson settled in. Whether on the field, at the office, or around the kitchen table, there are times when strength lies in showing up in alignment, not to disappear, but to help the team shine.
Sometimes the strongest note… is the one that fits the chord.